He opens the video by reading words off a cue card in a way that does no justice to the horse that wrote them. John doesn't know what "hysterectomy" means, but his hips have performed 38 of them.As a host, John isn't much better. Only one woman has ever survived a slow dance with him, and she was a jeep. His rhythm is so violently off that diabetics use him to calibrate the timing of their seizures. He has the grace of a straight jacket escape. Whenever it's time to get things sexy, and that's the only number on John's watch, he looks down and pounds the area near his pelvis- just pounds the shit out of it. The instructor, John Douthitt, is a doughy man with a mullet, a lazy eye, and a set of hips made for war. Is this a children's video for parents who only want their daughter to look like a slut? I ought to masturbate to this on principle. Are you trying to protect my delicate sensibilities, Dirty Line Dancin'? Call me non-retarded, but maybe an instructional video on how to dry hump isn't the best place to take your moral stand against nudity. The first thing I noticed about this video is the warning on the front and the back of the box that it CONTAINS NO NUDITY. Below are four of the finest examples of madmen teaching madmen with the power of VHS.ĭirty Line Dancin' with John Douthitt (1993) That's why lunatics make instructional videos. The worst thing about being insane is having no one to share it with.
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